that man


I remember the exact moment I saw him in the flesh for the very first time. He was so tall and looked sooo good in that navy double-breasted suit. I could have sworn that when he emerged, it seemed as if there was a glow he emanated–such a beauuuutiful man. (Even as I am typing this, I feel like I’m doing him a disservice because I cannot fully capture, in words, just how breathtaking that moment was for me.)

Quite a crowd had turned up (it was a Friday evening, and in Bugis no less), and I had rushed there from school. That meant I had to stand behind quite a few other fans 😦 I waited, extremely anxiously I might add, and waited. My heart had begun to race and I could not stay still. I began walking back and forth, and fidgeted nervously. I wasn’t even that nervous on the day I went to collect my A level results!

When he did finally appear, I just…I pretty much went bonkers. My mind went blank, I started screaming out “OPPA!” and I had my arms flailing in the air like I just didn’t care. HAH. Did I mention how gorgeous he was? *MELTS*

I was crazy excited the next day on my way to the fanmeeting, and for good reason. It was another chance for me to gaze lovingly at him from afar (I realize how this sounds). He sang, danced, and played a few games with the fans. The funny thing is, even if all he did was just stand on stage, I believe I still would have gone to the fanmeeting. After about nearly 3 hours, it was time to say farewell. It was a downward spiral from then on. As I left the venue, and got on the long train ride home, my mind went into overdrive. I believe I had what I would call a ‘post-ecstatic syndrome’. The fanmeeting left me on such a high that when it ended, everything just came crashing down. It felt as if someone had pushed me down a cliff.

It required me seeing you in the flesh for the first, and probably the only time in my live, before I decided I was going to stop with this crazy. Don’t be mistaken, I LOVE YOU..I loved seeing you, I love the idea of you, you’re an integral part of my life. But, as I was left reeling from the after-effects of meeting you, I made this decision. It has never hit me harder–this’ll never work. You’ll never know me the way I think I know you. You’ll never notice me the way I notice you. You’ll never love me the way I hopelessly love you. This is me acknowledging that you are, first and foremost, a person. This is me accepting that I’m never going to get enough of you. Above all, this is me letting you go; I need to protect me. I need the real people I have around me right now. I’m going to love me the way I learnt to love when I was loving you. I’m going to accept me the way I learnt to be accepting of your every flaw.


shake it out

He’s got a tough, tough, tough decision to make. Yup, I’m talking about the president of the free world. He’s already proposed a limited military action strike (in Syria) to Congress, and now needs to wait & see if they approve of it. Does it end there? You would think it does, but unfortunately it really doesn’t even BEGIN to end there. 

If Congress does not approve of his proposal, does he still proceed with the limited military strike? If he does go against the majority, it definitely would not be the first time he’s gone ahead with the unpopular course of action (think ObamaCare). 

Then there’s the other possible scenario where Congress does approve of the strike. What happens after that? Will Assad really just sit back and accept the strike without at least trying to put up a fight? Resist? Maybe even retaliate? He’s used the sarin on civilians, who’s to say he won’t use it on the people who are coming into his country and trying to undermine him? There are a million variables to consider, and Obama’s got a decision to make (part of which hinges on how Congress votes). 

Underlying all this talk, I think, is the very fresh experience of Iraq for the American citizens. They’re worried that when the government (or Obama for that matter) says “limited military strike”, it would not exactly be “limited”. It’s been a whole decade since the US’ very unpopular occupation of Iraq, and there still are American troops over there. I think the people are worried that this strike could lead to another long drawn-out occupation (perhaps?) that is going to claim many many more lives and use up a lot more precious resources. 

Some ask, hasn’t Obama considered other alternatives? He says he has, but they have only been “constructive criticism” at best. None have been proposed to him which he thinks is fully ready to be implemented. 

I think now I understand why he gets a house (a huge white one), many cars, a Camp David, planes and jets, vacations and pretty much everything else, along with the job. It is payment (duh!), from the American people to him, for all the monumentally difficult decisions he has to make during his time in office. Decisions which some people are sure to oppose, decisions which could ultimately prove to be the wrong one and decisions that people are going to use to call for his head.

people help the people

I read the news about Ariel Castro’s death earlier today. They found him hanging from the ceiling in his prison cell.

For those who don’t know who Ariel Castro is (WHAT?), here’s a little recap. Castro, 53, was the man infamous for the Cleveland kidnappings of 3 women. He held them captive for over 10 years in his house. (He already sounds like a monster, right?) Castro was charged with a total of 937 criminal counts of rape, kidnapping and aggravated murder. He was only one month into his prison term (he got life in prison PLUS 1000 years) when he killed himself. 

You could have easily googled all of that. Let me try and make a point. A friend retweeted a tweet which made me think. 


Was I the only one who felt this wasn’t right? No, that’s not it. Was I the only one who felt that we shouldn’t be celebrating the man’s death as a triumph? I know he did all those horrible things (937 of them, to be exact)…but is this what we’re doing now? Are we the kind of people to take joy in the fact that a man took his own life (probably out of guilt/shame more than anything else)? 

Some of you are relieved that he’s dead. Some are even happy about this piece of news. A few others may even be angry and think that he got off easy. 

Frankly speaking, if he had kidnapped someone I knew, I don’t think I’d be as rational as I am right now. But, I feel pretty clear-headed about how I feel about this (did I confuse you too?).

I was not happy about his death. I saw absolutely no reason for me to be. It was as simple as that. He was a beast of a person, and he committed some horrendous crimes. But I took no solace in his death, nor did I find any joy in his passing. I did not see it as payback. This was not his just desserts. Rather, it was just him adding one more criminal count onto his tally of 937.

He took his own life because he realised he was not able to take anyone else’s. He’ll be punished, that’s for sure. But it wasn’t in the prison that could not contain him. He’s waiting for him somewhere.

Let’s take joy in a perfect cup of coffee. Or in that 2nd place win in Fun Run (that’s the highest I ever got). There’re a thousand and one things to be happy about. Why smile because a man died? Smile at something a little more worth it. 

it feels like the first time

I haven’t properly christened this space yet, so here goes. Welcome, one and all, to why tiara (I’m still figuring that name out, sorry). I’ve created 4/5 blogs in my life and I can’t remember any of their URLs now. HEH.

Anyways, I’m determined to make this last. why tiara is particularly special to me because for the first time, I believe I’m creating it for the right reasons. I want to communicate with whoever is out there who’s willing to communicate with me. I’ve always been closed off and uptight. This is to try and make myself open up to the universe. Who knows what awaits me out there? 

“The saddest th…

“The saddest thing in life is when I’m standing before you, but you don’t know that I love you.”

I can’t remember who said this or where I read it from, but this has stuck with me since I was in primary school (for those who know me, that is a VERY long time ago). There’s just something so heartwrenchingly sad about standing in front of a person you love, but doesn’t know it. We’ve seen people leave, thinking that there’s no love for them anywhere in this wide wide world. Those who’ve had a tough time, I want to say this to you–as long as a heart still beats, it is capable of love. Never give up on that.